Things Fall Apart

I used to run a lot when I was in my 20s, at least 3 times a week, and sometimes more if I need a breather from school, or if I felt that I had over-indulged. Running gave me such a nice, weightless feeling. It was a place where I could escape and just feel free. I remember my hair streaming out behind my head while my breath came in regular puffs of white mist. These were the days when I loved running, when I pitied anyone who couldn’t run. I felt strong, and independent and healthy, and I loved those feelings.

Those were the good runs, but there were also bad runs: runs that were fuelled by a broken heart, or crushing disappointments. These runs always seemed to end in hyperventilating, extra-stiff muscles and lengthy delays as I tried to regulate my breathing so that I could continue on my way.

My coach

Still, when I think back to my running days all I remember is the good: the runs where I felt invincible, where I knew I was young, healthy and strong, and there wasn’t anything I couldn’t do. There was the time in Ottawa when my run was fuelled by a broken heart and had been delayed by crying fits and hyperventilating. But I managed to get myself going again, and when I reached the end of my route and set my first foot on Laurier bridge the sky exploded into bright greens, reds and blues as we started the annual Winterlude celebration. There was also the Christmas morning when I decided to head out for a run before the festivities began. The sky was so blue, the trees so bare, and the earth covered by a thin layer of crystallized frost. The memory of that run is so idyllic to me that I sometimes forget that I was running down service roads, past empty factories and warehouses. I can’t remember anything else from that Christmas day, but I relive that run regularly.

Me, out for a rare run.

My running days are well and truly behind me now. A back injury and worsening asthma make if difficult for me to commit to a running routine, though that hasn’t stopped me from going on the occasional run. These days the bulk of my exercise has to happen in the pool. I don’t love swimming, not yet; I haven’t created the kinds of memories and the emotional bond that I had with running. In the pool I feel weak and uncoordinated, and I hate these feelings. I routinely find myself clinging to  the side of the pool gasping for air,  or clutching my side, waiting for the cramps to pass. So I find myself looking for more and more opportunities to skip out, to tell myself that I’m too busy, that I can’t get in the pool because it’s too cold outside, etc. But I know that this isn’t who I am, I know that I am a fighter at heart, and that I just need to commit myself to improving my skill, to becoming a stronger swimmer, so that I can find my stride, and feel strong after each workout. Then, maybe I could love it as much as I loved running.

Read Full Post »

Running Through my Day

Image by Adam Foster | Codefor via Flickr

I try to tell myself that the first run is the hardest, that once I get out there, then I’m out there. But in telling myself that I forget that there is a second and third run, and actually, it’s the second run that I think is the hardest.

Not only do you need to push through sore muscles, but you also have to try to get over your own self-congratulatory sense that getting out for the first run makes you a runner. Additionally, I have to fight against the dog’s curiosity, which leads her to stop constantly to sniff the grass and the piles of coloured leaves.

But I did it; I made it through the second run. Cadie did stop 3 times, though I can’t say I minded too much. But I like running with my dog. Cadie and I are good running partners; I start out strong, but I struggle to get back home again. That’s where Cadie shines, she’s so focused on getting home that she runs like the wind, dragging me behind her, which is good, as it keeps me from stopping and walking the rest of the way home.

Surprisingly, the cool air hasn’t had an effect on my asthma, so two runs down and at this point, I’m just taking it one run at a time.

In other news, I’m halfway through my no more sugary coffee challenge, and even though I’m off on vacation today, I have resisted the calling of the French vanilla cappuccino.

Read Full Post »

Blog Action Day–Ode to Snow

Image via Wikipedia

Living well takes a lot of hard work; I find myself constantly writing down my food consumption, mentally calculating energy expenditure, and sometimes I feel tortured by it all, especially when my best laid plans end up being all for naught. I mean, I think it’s a cruel joke that every rainy day for the last month has been at its worst from 4-6 (prime dog walking/exercising hour). The same is true of taking environmental action. It’s hard work, and things often don’t work out, but just like implementing a healthy lifestyle it doesn’t mean that it isn’t worth the effort, or that there aren’t small things we can do.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the environment, which should come as no surprise, living in a city governed by weather. Most recently we have been at the mercy of the rain, and I hate rain. I won’t list the value of rain; I think we all know it. We know the role it plays in the circle of life, and in the future of all ecosystems. Instead I’d like to take this opportunity to expound on the virtues of snow.

I know the dirty S word is one that no one likes to hear (whether you have to live with it or not) but snow is beautiful and refreshing, snow plays a vital role in the management of ecosystems, and snow is terribly misunderstood.

Cadie hates the cold, but loves snow, and so on warmer winter days she’ll spend hours digging, running, and rolling, while I stand close by, stomping my feet occasionally to try to keep them warm. The trend in Toronto is to run from early spring through to late fall, minimizing or avoiding being out in the snow, but this is not what I do. I start in late fall and go through until early spring.

I love to run during the winter; I especially love to run in a blizzard. I find the temperature so relaxing. I also feel that a good run is a nice alternative to spending hours at the park on those days when exposed skin freezes in less than 10 minutes. I’ll hook Cadie into her special running harness and head out for a brisk 20 minute run, followed by a lovely 20 minute snooze on the couch. During blizzards I leave Cadie home, but I still head out and run down the street, sliding into snow banks, feeling the small pricks on my face and my burning ears. The world is crystallized and dreamy, and I feel that I must have evolved from wolves and not primates.

I think the problem comes from confusing snow and slush. While snow is a delicate white powder that sticks to tree branches and transforms the world into a sort of dreamland, slush is the freezing brown water with small chunks of ice sitting by the side of the road that you have to step over or wade through to get wherever you’re going. Toronto has a lot of slush, and we all hurry through the slush as quickly as possible, often not stopping to see the bounty or the beauty of this snowy world. We take for granted the gift of water, because it inconveniences us, derails our afternoon walks and ruins our shoes, but having an excess of water is a privileged problem, I think we can lose track of that.

As I’m running alone down a busy city street, through the snow flakes, I breathe deeply and take in the beauty of my city. Forcing myself out into the snow is something that requires effort, and I try to bargain and negotiate my way out of it, but in the end, it costs me very little effort. I just have to remember that I can make a big impact on my environment in much the same way. One of my favourite blogs, Elena’s blog (found on our blogroll), gives some tips for ways that we can all reduce our carbon footprint through smarter purchases, and better laundry habits, I hope you’ll check it out, and that it will get you thinking of other ways you can cut down on water waste and help the environment.

Read Full Post »